Rule #1014

(Rule #1014 has been redacted for reasons of National Security)

Rule #1013

If you find yourself making more than 1000 rules, you're probably going to start repeating yourself.

Rule #1012

Before killing yourself, post an awesome online video of you tight-rope walking over a bunch of hungry alligators (or some equivalent).

Rule #1011

Get rid of friends who don't like the Didgeridoo.

Rule #1010

If you're going to take an oath, mean it.

Rule #1009

When breast-feeding in public, expose both breasts.

(See Rule #1004)

Rule #1008

If you believe in a political cause, try to have your minions do the work for you, it's so much less stressful, and that's what minions are for.

Rule #1007

The choir seems to like to be preached to, and people seem to love to preach to them, odd.

Rule #1006

Don't be too impressed with "Harvard educated".

Rule #1005

It's not a rule if you ignore it.

Rule #1004

If you're going to follow rules, don't ask too many questions about the rule.

Rule #1003

Plant bamboo.

Rule #1002

There's always an exception to the rule.

Rule #1001

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, create more than 1000 rules, ever, about anything.

Rule #1000

Be careful, be happy, be good to yourself and others, life is precious and we are fragile... and don't catch fire.

Rule #999

We have so much to learn, about Wombats and so many other things.

Rule #998

If your heart says change, then change.

It won't be easy.

Rule #997

Go sailing.

Rule #996

Live a quieter life, this society has grown way too noisy.

Rule #995

Note to children:

You are right about all that crap they want you to learn in school, you won't need to know MOST of that stuff, ever.

But, that's not the point, you are learning HOW to learn when you do that work and do it well, and one day, you WILL need to have learned how to LEARN.

So do the work, do it well, study, get A's and B's, IT WILL MATTER.

Rule #994

Lesson from "Mythbusters":
A standard diesel engine, with no modifications, runs just fine on old used vegetable oil.

Rule #993

Life will disappoint you, profoundly, and life will surprise and thrill you, that's life.


You might think, "Duh", but failure to understand that simple truth leads to unhappiness, depression, suicide, crime, hate, addiction.... etc.

Rule #992

Believe you can do ANYTHING, then, get realistic.

Rule #991

A little Zen:

There's a power within you,
that connects you to the Universe;
we all have it,
seek it.
When you find it you'll feel plugged in,
to the wind, the air, the trees...
and it will AMAZE you.
Make that connection as often as possible,
it will transform you.

Rule #990

The most exciting part of a rocket launch is the countdown from ten.

Rule #988

Don't put off:

Enjoying your children.
Traveling to new places.
Buying the stuff you want.
Getting more healthy.
Doing whatever makes you happy.
Appreciating each new day.

Rule #989

Spend some time with big trees.

Rule #987

Don't spend ANY time obsessing.

Rule #986

Some things can be looked at upside down, and still make sense.


Yes, this rule makes sense.

Rule #985

Back up all your important computer files on a thumb drive, and keep it in your pocket.

Rule #984

You need to move if you've got security bars on your windows and a pit bull.

Rule #983

Don't go on any diet that excludes an occasional pizza.

Rule #982

Women have a bad habit of getting their hair cut JUST when it's looking good.

Rule #981

Don't eat the fried skin of pigs, it's just gross.

Now bacon on the other hand... goooooood.

Rule #980

Don't fuck with snakes.

Rule #979

Ounce for ounce, the venom of the Mojave Green rattlesnake is the most potent poison of all snakes.

"The most poisonous species is the Mojave Rattler, which has a venom 75 times as potent as an Indian Cobra. The most dangerous species are the diamondbacks, which can possess enough venom to kill several hundred humans, even though their venom is considerably less potent than some species such as the Mojave or Midget Faded Rattlesnakes." Sheppard Software

Rule #978

Fact: In general, Whites will usually do better in school than Blacks and Hispanics.

Even when they all went to the same schools.
Even when they all had the same teachers.
Even when they lived in the same neighborhoods.

Cause: Parents? Culture? Role models? Skin?


This point to ponder was brought to you by the number 978.

Rule #977

Don't be a whiney baby.